Crumbs!

Your correspondent was appalled this morning when the Torygraph (which is normally sound on matters concerning God's greatest confection) carried a front page article bemoaning the imminent death of the traditional British wedding cake.

The article (which was close to pornographic in my opinion) went on to describe said culinary masterpiece in the following disparaging tones;- "the idiosyncratically British combination of brown and slightly-too-dry fruitcake with a hint of something alcoholic." At this point I spluttered over my toast and marmite and was only saved by my good lady wife supplying a substantial portion of said great comestible produced in accordance with the recipe handed down from her grand-mother.

For those of you who are feeling (understandably!) nauseous at this disgraceful proposition, my apologies. Here is a picture to brighten your hearts;-

and a picture of Her Maj. cutting off a couple of slices for her mates.

That's got the bugger, ma'am!

The Royal Family and the traditional fruitcake are, of course, the binding ingredients which have kept this country together through two World Wars, the recession and countless humiliations in the Eurovision Song Contest.

The Queen and Phil the Greek on their wedding day. Note how the Duke of Edinburgh has come suitably equipped for the cake cutting duties which are to become an integral part of his life. "Brought the bloody broadsword along for this one Liz."












You won't find PtheG eating any 'American-style cupcakes' or 'rich chocolate and sponge-based varieties' as suggested in the paper, oh no! If the bride and groom were to indulge in such namby - pamby products for the wedding breakfast, how could they keep the top tier for the christening of their first born? (Note from the Editor: Have you been to a modern wedding? It's usually the bride's children by her previous liaisons who scoff the cake in the first place.) Imagine having the family fridge full of decaying Ben & Jerry's slush filled wed-o-gateau for the early years of marriage.

The heir to the throne whips out a big 'un!

What is the Duchess thinking?

It's a Royal edict you know!

Feeling somewhat more at ease now, and buttering a couple of rounds of crumpet and thick-cut marmalade, I turned back to the paper to look for the source of the 'research' behind this appalling article.

It transpires that this is the result of a survey by that well-known and much respected institution LateRooms.com!

Now I don't want to appear snobbish, but couples whose main interest in booking their nuptuals is to try and get a cheap deal on the accommodation may not be representative of the Great British, cake loving, dewy-eyed populace at large! LateRooms offer a very good cut-price hotel booking service, but as social commentators and experts on the world of sultana-based foodstuffs they leave much to be desired.

Cake making as we remember it!

So cake-lovers - be not afraid! The great British fruit cake in all her magnificent manifestations remains central to our way of life. To quote Winston Churchill - "we shall eat them on the beaches,

we shall eat them on the landing grounds, we shall eat them in the fields and in the streets,
we shall eat them in the hills......."