Blatt's All Folks!

The world of geriatric sexual fumbling was shaken to its very core last night on the shock news that arch groper Sepp Blatter had resigned as president of FIFA (Federation International of the Fornicating Aged)

Bladder, aged 78, has long been looked upon as a beacon of light in the otherwise barren world of over-seventies shagging.

Sclhepp with his latest conquest (as of Monday at least) Linda Bareass

Mr. Bladder's fans in the UK  (Sid and Doris Gone-Dogging) were aghast at the news. "Old Shep has always been an inspiration to us randy pensioners" said a visibly shaken Sid. "He has seen it as his mission to to spread the "beautiful game" to all corners of the globe and has sewn his aged wild oats across every continent without fear or favour, and without any thought of the cost to his health and to FIFA's funds." Doris was equally effusive;- "We just love the old goat! How we ladies wish we were getting a bit of what Linda's had. No wonder she's got a smile on her face (and is keeping a good grip on her handbag)."

Pressure has been growing on Herr Splatter in recent months with the international press insinuating that Splatter has been indulging his droit du seigneur rather too freely, especially amongst the developing nations of Africa and Asia. "The allegation that Sepp has been bribing black beauties and Asian babes to gain their sexual favours is a gross calumny" said Splatter's aide (The Porteur of the Prophylactic) Mr Johnny Carrier. "Mr Belter is an experienced knobbeur, and his attraction to the younger woman is the size of his genitals, not the size of his wallet."

Other members of FIFA gave their comments last night;-

Christ! Nearly had my eye out there!

Formula One Supremo Bernie Ecclestone
is a board member of FIFA.
"I may stand now that Slept has moved over.
I'm confident of cornering the dwarf vote.
Aren't these marvellous super-chargers?!"










Ageing Scotrocker Rod Stewpot has always been a fan of Belter. "They didn't call him 'Old Shep' for nothing - he could sniff out available crumpet at a distance of 100 m"

Rod claims that FIFA has made his very existence worthwhile. "Ageing Nookie was once a problem" said Rod, "now I seem to have my handful!"

"Not quite what I had in mind when you suggested a leg-over!"

Ageing Lothario Bruce Forsythe is also a FIFA member.







Young bimbos across the world were united in their grief at the news that Slapp Better was calling it a day. The young laideeeeeees (or Slappers as they are known) are thought to be trying to get Il Presidente to reconsider his retirement decision. Feelme Thunderthighs, one of Slapp's go-to 'assistantes' said, "Don't you worry, we'll ensure that the old dear always has a place to lay his wallet. There's money in the old dog yet!"

We leave you with some of our favourite images of The Supremo of the Sack;-

Blather with his prized 'Shagger of the Year'
trophy

Sepp gets the red card
(Note the cunningly concealed bribe-belt)

Ever the showman, Sepp signs off with his
famous Private Pike impression

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