Fascists of the Royal and Food varieties

Dear chums, at last something to write about!

The world of Royal watchers (Sid and Doris Patriotic-Bonkers) were aghast this week with the revelation by the Sun newspaper (sic) that our dear Royal Family are in fact all closet Nazis and were fans of that nice Mr. Hilter back in the 30's.

A grainy home movie purports to show Her Madge giving the old raised arm salute to the delight of the Queen Mum and her Uncle David.

There are however distinct reasons to believe that this footage is a fake;-

i) The Queen Mum is NOT drinking her customary gin and tonic
ii) Uncle David (Edward VIII as he was to become) is NOT having intercourse with Wallace Whats'ername for whom he forsook the throne to embark on a life of serial buffoonery and debauchery
iii) Her Majesty the Queen is known to detest football and therefore would have no need to practice the greeting given by all Ingerland fans when the national side plays the Krauts.
iv) The Royal dachshunds are nowhere in sight (better check that bit - Ed.)

As to the Sun's headline "Their Royal Heilnesses", this is just puerile. (Pot, kettle - Ed.)

A statement issued from Buckingham Palace reads as follows;-

"Mein Gott in Himmel. Was ist alle dieses schiese in der Sonne dagblatt? Wir ver only following orders."

To reassure our readers of the continuing uncontaminated allegiance to all that is great and good in this country, we include this recent photo of the Royal christening;-

OK, it's not Charlotte, but charming, nichtswar?

If readers need further reassurance that the Royals remain central to the nation's heart we include this tribute.

A knitted reconstruction of the Royal christening created by the parishioners of Griston in Norfolk

That's more like it! Personally I think that Prince William here looks like Sir Michael Caine.

Further fascist news this morning when it was reported that interfering councillors in Stonehaven, Scotland have ordered the local chippy to remove their advertising banner.

It comes to something when the good burgers (shouldn't that be 'burghers' -Ed!) of this quaint Scottish outpost can't celebrate their only claim to culinary fame (or any other sort of fame come to that) without the busybodies deeming it unbecoming and an affront to dietary correctness.

Come on guys, loosen up! From a nation that produced the haggis, this is a bit thick.

Rumours that a daily intake of DFMB made First Minister Nicola Sturgeon the woman that she is today have not been refuted, which I find quite significant.






And finally, for those of you with a strong disposition, here is a close up of the DFMB to stir your appetite.