It's such a perfect day - and I want to share it with YOU!

Dear readers (I assume there are more than one of you!), today is a momentous occasion in the life of your correspondent. As a welcome relief from all that political trivia and rampant Sturgeonomania I am happy to share with you my latest acquisition - a wonderful pre-loved toast rack!

Now I have been a keen toastracophile for many years but I am sorry to report that, up to now, I have not been fully supported in my enthusiasm by my good lady wife. For many years after our marriage we had to endure the misery of being rackless. Toast was soggy and tasted like cardboard, and our appetites for those intimate moments over the breakfast table wained to the point that our toast-life became almost non-existant. I must admit that there were moments around this time when I sought solace with extra-marital toast based assignations. I would slip away incognito to rather dodgy hotels just to savour their Full English Breakfast and to linger over their beautifully racked toasted goodies. We eventually sought counselling for our affliction and those marvellous people from ARBITE (The Association for Real Beauty in Toastrack Eventualities) put us back on the right track. They suggested that we face our difficulties head-on and invest in a simple toast rack with which to reignite our appreciation and pleasure.

Now toastracologists amongst you will recognise that the model we employed was pretty basic, but to my dear wife's credit, she was willing to embark on this journey back to full toast-based relations, and to experiment, even if her initial effort was somewhat lacking in flair and imagination;-

Rather sad modern toast rack - a mere apology

This rack had to serve us for some years. It was functional but improved our relationship no end. Slice separation was satisfactory, cooling progressed at an acceptable rate and our general level of excitement and satisfaction was greatly improved.

After some years of this rather meagre fare, I am sorry to say that I began to weary of this rack's Nordic functionality (I blame IKEA), its angularity and inability to accommodate toast of real girth. Rather than lapse into my former bad habits, I bit the bullet and raised my fears and concerns with She Who Must Be Obeyed. Her initial reaction was scepticism; she felt that my interest in toastracology bordered on the obsessive and could be classed as slightly perverted. Luckily our new found relationship was strong enough to accommodate my desires and to my intense pleasure SWMBO delivered me of wonderful fully-fledged traditional toast rack!

The new rack - what a beauty!

Oh happy man! What a cracker, EPNS, pre-loved and only £4 in the Charity Shop. The old apology for a rack has been donated to said Chazza Shop; it may provide consolation and help to some young couple just embarking on a toast-based relationship.

One can but fantasise on this premium rack's history. I imagine it gracing the tables of the great houses of England. What great conversations it must have heard over the years;- "Great shag last night Lady Penelope, pass us the toast rack - I'm ravenous", "Oi, Jeeves, stop scratching yer bum and get cook to poach me a couple more kippers." and " I say Dorothy, cracking toast this morning! Pass me the Patum Peperium you sexy minx."

I share with you now this snap of the new rack in its new full glory;-

A loaded rack and the Torygraph crossword
The answer to a chap's prayers

A toast related IT warning

This Internettywebbything is a great source of information, but beware, it can not always be relied upon. I was shocked to find on looking up the Wikipedia entry for Toast Rack to find that the article
is illustrated with a picture of our old Nordic Nasty - have they taken leave of their senses?

Right, time for a round of toast!