With both Conservatives and the Labour Party seeking to occupy the middle ground, the former parties of right and left (respectively) further confused the issue by trying to swap sides on the political spectrum in the issue of the party manifestos. The Tories declared themselves to be the party of the British Working Class, whilst Labour declared themselves the epitome of financial responsibility (and this coming from the party who at the last election left a note in the Treasury saying 'ha ha, there's no money left'!) This change in position has led commentators to describe this as a 'cross-dressing election'. The thought of David Cameron at the dispatch box wearing a daring little black number by Dior which plunges to reveal his decolletage is horrific enough, but Red Ed in fishnet stockings and suspenders would be enough to make even the strongest stomach churn.
The somewhat kinky undertone to this campaign was underlined by the following;-
Norwich South Labour candidate sorry for Ed Miliband goat joke
An election candidate has apologised for joking that he "could be caught with my pants down behind a goat with Ed Miliband at the other end".
Labour's Clive Lewis, who is standing in Norwich South, made the comment in an interview with the New Statesman. Mr Lewis said: "On occasion we all have the ability to get carried away with language and colourful metaphors. If anyone was genuinely offended then I'm sincerely sorry for that."
Now this is priceless - you couldn't make it up! Cross dressing, bestiality..... what will they think of next?
It is reported that this matter has been referred to the RSPCA and SPPG (Society for the Protection of Pretty Goats) as it was felt that Mr. Lewis's interest in the goat's bottom and his fantasy of his leader simultaneously gaining oral gratification from the same animal could be stretching the idea of 'parliamentary privelege' a bit far. Will the public stand for this blatant bit of goatophobia?
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| That goat bum bandit - for it is he! |
Clive Lewis is shown above. Now far be it from me to indulge in stereotypification, but there seems to be more than a hint of eye make-up and lipstick here. As for the hair cut, it does seem a bit like that of a militant 'friend of Dorothy'! Do the Tories vet their candidates or is this just NFN (Normal for Norfolk - an acronym written on medical notes of bizarre patients by Junior Doctors)?
There was a strange TV debate between the leaders of the opposition parties last night. Cameron didn't want to play, and Cleggy's Mum wouldn't let him out at that time of night. That left Milibean and Farage to deal with a triumvirate of excitable women, none of whom seemed to speak English. Blodwen from Plaid Cymru was joined by some Australian (Sheila?) who has washed ashore to represent the tree-huggers and by the SNP's Nicola Sturgeon. Nigel seemed pretty pissed off with the whole affair, called Miliband a liar at one stage (strangely NOT reported in the press this morning) and at the end, whilst the other candidates hugged each other and shook hands with the audience, just collected his papers and slunk off stage. He must have either been dying for a piss, or in dire need of a pint and a fag.
The fragrant Mrs. Sturgeon, by the way, is making history as being the only Party Leader in British politics to have had a traditional folk song written about her. If you are not familiar with the tale of the 'Virgin Sturgeon - very fine fish' have a look here.
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| Mrs Sturgeon commemorated on Britain's one remaining warplane which will be needed when she scraps Trident. |
Right, must go and have a lie down now, as it seems there is the outside chance of England winning a test match ( although it's against the Ganja 2nd XI so there's no need to get too excited).
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