Of Charm, Character and Restless Genitals

Lying in bed the other morning and half listening to the early morning radio (or 'wireless' as I prefer to call it) I heard this wonderful phrase;- "I don't trust charm in a man. It speaks of weak character and restless genitals." Naturally I had to find out who said it.


It seems to have been uttered by a Mr. Siddal, a character in a BBC drama about the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood  called Desperate Romantics which was broadcast in 2010.

 "This is all very interesting" I hear you yawn, but the point of this blather is that in Googling (allowable verb in 2015) up this information my eyes were drawn to a citation lower down the page - Restless Genital Syndrome! Yes folks, ReGS, it seems, actually exists and genital sensations of spontaneous unwanted imminent orgasm seem to afflict some of our dear lady folk.

Now this may be very important in explaining the sometimes rather irrational behaviour of some of the fair sex. If the dear ladies are walking around with pulsating nether regions due to ReGS it's not surprising that they get a bit stroppy when a chap decides to nip off to the boozer or disappear for a couple of days on a golfing break.

I shudder to go into the details of this affliction in a family blog, but will leave you with this frightening summary;-

A Mysterious Disorder

ReGS is characterised by the presence of restless leg syndrome (the mind boggles!) and/or an overactive bladder (the ladies seem to get pissed off), as well as the 5 diagnostic criteria of persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD).

These criteria include involuntary genital arousal that:

Persists for an extended period of time (hours, days, and/or months) (Makes Viagra look like a sweety!)

Does not go away after 1 or more orgasms

Is unrelated to subjective feelings of sexual desire

Feels intrusive and unwanted

Causes distress

I'll leave it there, but wonder if this is what is getting at Nicola Sturgeon?

Talking of our favourite Caledonian Cutie, I am amazed that Nicola manages to fit in her duties of First Minister in the Scottish Parliament along with her show business career;-

Crank and Krankie

As far as I am aware, La Sturgeon and Little Jimmy have never been seen in the same room together.
For those of you unfamiliar with the intricacies of the Scottish humour scene, I would explain that the Krankies are a husband and wife comedy (sic) duo and that Little Jimmy is in fact Janette in drag (of which more later). It seems that Ian and Janette Tough (for it is they), both aged 64, are a right pair of goers, having been 'swingers' for some years (no, I am not making this bit up). It is thought that Little Jimmy / Janette is a martyr to ReGS and that husband Ian has a permanent stiffy.

The Krankies are famous for their catch phrase  'fan-dabi-dozi' - which probably says it all.

Talking of cross-dressing, the world of academe was shaken to its foundations last week with the announcement that the academic beacon that is Edge Hill University (formerly Brum Poly) is to offer a degree course in 'Drag Kings and Drag Queens in Performance' as part of their Performing Arts, Dance and Drama course. The module will analyse the link between performance, gender, sexualities and identity. It will also look at wider theories on sexuality, gay and lesbian theatre, transgender identities, HIV/AIDS and activism, the university said.

Now this is the sort of initiative that is really going to put the Great back into Great Britain! Sod the need for Doctors, Scientists and Engineers - this pursuit of the perverted is sure to be a great use of the tax-payers cash and will have foreigners of confused gender queueing up to get qualified before returning home to be imprisoned or worse.

Right, end of rant about academic standards, and back to Hartlepool United football fans and their plan to attend the last away match of the season dressed as Bob Marley as a tribute to the late singer who disappeared in a cloud of marijuana smoke 34 years ago. It seems that the Hartlepool fans have a history of fancy-dressing up for this match, being variously Smurfs, Thunderbirds, Penguins and Oompa Lumpas in recent seasons.

Anyway it seems that some curmudgeon from Carlisle (their opponents of the day) has alerted the Kick It Out anti-racism campaign who have advised Carlisle to refuse entry to anyone who arrives blacked up. The Hartlepool fans point out that they have no plans to 'black up' anyway. They rather sensibly pointed out that the match against Carlisle is a local derby and that having 300 of the visiting fans in fancy dress could only serve to diffuse any tension. To his great credit, Keith Curle the Carlisle manager and one of the few coloured/black/ethnic (God knows what is politically acceptable these days!) managers in the game says that he cannot see any racial element in people dressing up as the late singer - an island of common sense in a mad, mad world.

By the way, Hartlepool seems to be a Northern outpost of zany humour having once elected a monkey as its mayor!

Just chill out man! You honkies is so uptight.

Finally, in what has been a right rag-bag of a post, have a little laugh at this bunch of tits.