Discipline!

Bobbledegook Salutes England Rugby Supremo Stuart Lancaster

But first, an Odd One Out competition. Is it A, B or C?

A: Manu Tuilagi

B: Pippa Middleton

C: Kevin Pietersen

(Hint: One of these arses has NOT been capped by England!)

Yes folks! The odd one out is of course the delightful butt known as Pippa's Posterior. The other two are just arseholes.

What Manu and Kevin have in common is, of course, that they both have prodigious sporting talent but are effectively mercenaries in that neither could get into their birth countries' national sides and so have prostituted themselves to play for England.

Manu, for those who don't follow the Great Game, has always been a loose cannon. His 'previous' includes jumping into Auckland Harbour from the deck of a ferry whilst representing the British Lions, knocking shite out England team-mate Chris Ashton in a club game, making 'bunny ears' signs behind the Prime Minister's head outside no.10 (Why do people do that? - I think we should be told) and having a spell as an illegal immigrant. All power and respect then to coach Stuart Lancaster who has told Tuilagi to sling his hook after his latest misdemeanour. It seems that Manu was getting a bit frustrated by a long lay off with a groin injury and took it out on a taxi driver, said taxi driver's motor and two policewomen who tried to arrest him. How the coconut brain avoided a custodial sentence we shall never know, but Lancaster has reminded him of his responsibilities as a role model both in and out of the England shirt and has told him to forget the Rugby World Cup this autumn. Would that other sports could act so decisively..........

Which brings us to dear, dear Kevin. Kevin is a rather sad case really, a pre-pubescent in a 30 year old's body. Probably the best attacking batsman of his generation, it is not for nothing that Kevin is known as 'The Ego' or 'Figjam' (F*** I'm good, just ask me). With his head so far up his own bum, it's amazing this bloke can walk to the wicket. I said earlier that KP played for England, but that is probably stretching things a bit, since KP only ever plays for Kevin Pietersen. The number of times he has batted irresponsibly and given away his wicket when a bit of circumspection was required in the light of his team's match position are legion. Anyway Kevin is currently throwing his toys out of the pram because those nasty men at the ECB (The England and Wales Cricket Board - although why they involve Wales I've no idea!) refuse to pick him for the summer's ashes series. With his batting ability waning, our Kevin sees this as a bit of an attack on his wallet and is not happy, oh no. Now, the ECB are not the sharpest set of tools in the sporting toolbox. Known to some as England's Cowardly Buffoons, the men in blazers are desperately trying to drag themselves into the 20th century with their management technique. Outdated as they are, the ECB through their new Director of Cricket, Andrew Strauss have told KP to go and hold hands with Manu on the naughty step. This should have come as no great surprise to KP after a decade of upsetting everyone associated with cricket, and there was a big clue that Kevin might not be the new supremo's favourite when Straussy (inadvertently) called him 'a complete c***' on air whilst commentating for SKY TV.

Anyway, the upshot is that Kevin will not be assimilated back into the England team, which probably comes as a great relief to his putative team-mates. 

Two good quotes about cricket came up in the analysis of KP's behaviour. One was when Douglas Jardine, captain of England during the notorious 'bodyline' tour of Australia in 1932, complained to his opposite number that someone on the Aussie side had called him a bastard. The Australian Captain duly gathered his troops together and addressed them with the words;- "Which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?" - Antipodean diplomacy at its best! The other good tale was when Mike Brearley, England's most cerebral post war cricket captain, was asked his opinion on the KP furore; "If being a bit of a knob was the criterion for being banned from the team, I'd have had half an England side during the 1980s."

I guess it's all about good management, in sport as in all things.