Homage to Invercargill

Prince Harry meets reptilian namesake in New Zealand

Who would be cruel enough to name a tuatara (New Zealand's living dinosaur) "Scrounging Ginger-headed knob-end"?

When I saw this lovely little reptile a few years ago its name was Henry and he was the number one tourist attraction in Invercargill (which, to be honest, is not a great claim to fame!). For those of you unfamiliar with New Zealand's (and the planet's) southern-most city, let's just say that Henry's main rivals are the only set of traffic lights within 100 km and a 4500 seater indoor sports stadium which collapsed under the weight of snow on its roof in 2010. I had the pleasure(!) of a 24 hour stopover in this benighted hovel of a city some years ago; it seems that Invercargill aspires to become the asshole of the Antipodes. I saw Henry a number of times during my stay and the little bugger didn't so much as bat an eyelid or move an inch. My suspicion was that Henry had shuffled off this mortal coil, but that no one in InverC was letting on. I thus venture that the tuatara being fondled by old ginger knob is in fact a body double or a cunning animated model knocked up by Peter Jackson at Weta Workshops.

My interest in the Royal visit to Invercargill was further piqued by this headline;-

Prince Harry strokes 118 year-old reptile en route to New Zealand's Stewart Island

I thought that this was a bit harsh on the main subject of today's post, Invercargill mayor Tim Shadbolt.

Tim is here seen at a fancy dress soiree with his Royal visitor. Note that Tim is wearing the mayoral chain - he has past form in losing said symbol when pissed (on two occasions actually).

Now Tim has for many years been my favourite mayor. Yes, I know it's not much of a hobby, and that I should get out more, but it's marginally more interesting than train-spotting (I gave that up when they scrapped all the steam engines). Tim has few challengers in the Mayoral glamour stakes. Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, is but a poor imitation.

Here we see Timbo with the aforementioned Henry. (For those of you unfamiliar with the fauna of New Zealand, Tim is on the left in this photo). It seems that Tim and Henry are old pals and that a summons to see their double act is obligatory for visiting knobs.

Mayor Shadbolt is a master of the manic staring eyes look. Personally I think that he looks like Robert Lindsay on speed as when playing Wolfie Smith in the 1970s series Citizen Smith.

So who is this chap Tim Shadbolt?

• During the late 60's (Oh happy days - Ed) Tim came to prominence as a student protester and managed to get himself arrested no less than 33 times.
• His most famous bust was when he was incarcerated for uttering the word "bullshit" during a demonstration. New Zealand was very liberal in those days!
• With nothing better to occupy his time, Tim stood for, and became, the Mayor of Waitemata City in west Auckland. To celebrate his election he famously took part in the mayoral parade towing his concrete mixer "Karl Marx" behind his official Daimler.
• "Karl Marx" was so named because it made a lot of noise but didn't work very well!
• In 1971 Tim wrote the first volume of his memoirs entitled "Bullshit and Jellybeans"

• In 1989 Tim got the push from Waitemata under local government reorganisation
• Tim disappeared for a few years then, but realising his mayoral addiction, popped up again on the South Island to become Supremo of Invercargill in 1993 and has been there (more or less) ever since
• In the 1996 General Erection Tim stood (unsuccessfully) as a candidate for the Aotearoa Legalise Cannabis Party
• In the 1990s our Tim appeared in an advertisement promoting New Zealand Cheese (see posts passim) using the pithy catchphrase "I don't care where as long as I'm mayor" to celebrate his obsession with serial mayorality
• In 2012 the great man entered the Guinness Book of World Records by virtue of taking part in the Universe's longest recorded television interview (26 hours)
• Tim spends the long dark Southland evenings pleasuring the ladies. He is presently on wife number three, Asha Dutt who is just out of her teens and produced a sprog to celebrate Tim getting his Winston Peters Goldcard at the age of 65.

The above is (more or less!) true. You couldn't make it up could you?

Your number one fan salutes you Mayor Shadbolt!