Dorset knob throwing: Hopes high for record

Who could resist a story like this!

With the nation en fete for the May Day Bank Holiday, Royalists all agog for the naming of the sprog, Chelsea winning the Championship, England losing yet another test match and the Erection dribbling to its final conclusion, what could better sum up the mood of our wonderful country than this?

Organisers of a "knob throwing" competition in Dorset hope the current champion tossing record will be broken 

Yes folks, when all else seems lost, you can always rely on a knob joke!

The Dorset Knob Throwing and Food Festival event in Cattistock  features a knob eating contest, knob darts and a knob-a-thon. "The knob-a-thon is a lot less strenuous than anything athletes such as Jessica Ennis-Hill or Mo Farah might compete in, but it involves taking part in at least five knob games," said organiser Mr Nigel Collins.

Other games include putt the knob, knob walking, knob archery, guess the weight of the knob and pin the knob on the Cerne Giant.

Bobbledegook is proud to showcase the favourites for this year's event;-

David Cameron is Britain's premier knob.

David developed his interest at Eton where he had a junior fag to attend to his knob. 

In recent years this role has been filled by that nice Mr. Clegg

Nicola Sturgeon loves her knob!

"Alex Salmond often gives me one after he's de-briefed me" said the sultry siren.

Nick Clegg is frequently mistaken for a knob.

Ed Miliband has great difficulty in controlling his knob.

"It's just like a bacon sandwich, tends to squirt everywhere."

Nigel Farage has a distinctly anglo-saxon approach to matters of the knob.

"The wife and I indulge when necessary, but we don't make a fetish of it" says Nigel, "personally I find it an excellent prelude to a pint and a fag."

"What we must avoid at all costs is an influx of foreign knobs coming over here and tempting our womenfolk with their sorry imitations of the GBK (Great British Knob)" said Nigel.






An important note from the Editor.

It has been brought to my attention that the article above might be misconstrued as being a crude and rather infantile series of innuendos relating to matters genital.

Bobbledegook would like to point out that, in this context, a knob is a local Dorset delicacy consisting of a spherical savoury biscuit. Having said that, most of the politicians could safely be described as knobs in the non-edible sense.