Sexual Shenanigans

A Slap(per) in the face for the Establishment

As the fall-out from the General Erection continues, readers will be sorry to hear of the marital difficulties of the Speaker, John "Short Arse" Bercow and his radiant wife Sally.

Observers of the Westminster scene will recall that Sally has been a long suffering supporter of Mr. Speaker, often appearing in the chamber to lift him up into the Speaker's Chair when the clerk forgets to put out his hop-up.

Sally is here seen in typically relaxed attire welcoming visitors to one of her late night tours of the Speaker's House whilst husband John is still in Halitosis Hall.

Sally with husband John. "He's small, but perfectly formed" said Sal,
"Stand him on a footstool and he's an absolute tiger!"













Sally has always taken her duties as part of the Palace of Westminster establishment very seriously and is here seen waving goodbye to Her Majesty The Queen after her visit for the State Opening of Parliament.

As wife of the Speaker, it is often the duty of Our Sal to welcome overseas visitors to the Palace and to ensure that their visit is a happy and fulfilling one.

Sally is seen in typically exuberant manner welcoming the Prime Minister of a Central African state to her apartments.


(Editor's Note: There seems to be shome mishtake in the caption to this picture - and it's a pretty crap allusion to one of The Commitments greatest hits)






It seems that Sally and John may be going their separate ways. "It's not John's fault" said Sally,
"It's just that he gets so tired clambering up and down on the Woolsack during the day, that when I get the wee man home at night, he's useless in the sack. Quite frankly his little sac seems to be quite empty." (That's enough sack puns. You're er................... sacked- Ed.)

Boring Gays

Meanwhile the country's greatest living poseur (shurely you mean 'artist' ? - Ed.) is boring the arse off anyone who will listen with his opinion that gay men have just become too boring and just want to lead staid lives with their civil partners and adopted children.

I haven't seen Alan Bennet for ages - we used to love a good piss up and a snog
and then we'd send out for a couple of take-aways!

David (aged 77) is getting on a bit now, but really misses a bit of late night cottaging, brawls in gay-bars and the odd confrontation with homophobic coppers.

"The fun seems to have gone out of it all now" said David " I may as well stay at home, make a quiche and finish me knitting." 

Bobbledegook is pleased to support Hockney in his crusade to bring back gaiety to the LBGT community (I thought that was a sandwich - Ed). Come on for heaven's sake! You've pinched the word gay from everyday use so for Christ's sake stop being such a bunch of miserable bastards. 

If our gay chums are a bit short of ideas, then they should head up north of the border as the Beeb today disclosed that Scotland heads the Rainbow Index as the most gay-friendly country in Europe.

This should, of course, come as no surprise for a nation whose men romp around in tartan skirts with no underwear below and with their handbags (or 'sporrans' in polari *) nestling snugly to their groins.

(* Google it if you're too young to remember Julian and Sandy in Round the Horn!)

So come on, get out your best sleeveless T-shirts and lets party! If you ask nicely our Scottish cousins will whip out their instruments for a spot of Gay Gordons.

In the interests of sexual balance (don't even go there! - Ed.) I leave you with this charming image of a bus advert (since withdrawn) from the somewhat less enlightened Principality of Wales.

Why on Earth would anyone complain !?