Mental meanderings on a cricket theme

What an excellent long weekend! Your correspondent apologises for a lack of communication of late, but I have spent a very enjoyable 5 days watching an excellent test match between England and the Kiwis.

A very exciting game indeed, swinging first one way and then the other and the young guns of the New England finally gaining the ascendancy.

A couple of points struck me;-

What is it with members of the MCC?

(This next section comes with sincere apologies to my mate Barrie who I hope will forgive me and keep on providing tickets for further tests!)

Now I can easily understand the pride with which MCC members wear their famous 'bacon and eggs' ties. Membership of this august body should certainly be celebrated, but is there any excuse for some of the frankly outrageous outfits we saw at Lord's?

"Fill the bugger up Binky!"

What on Earth possesses grown men to go out of the house in outfits like this? The tie -no problem, Panama hat with MCC band - practical and appropriate, bowtie and blazer - steady on chaps!, but the caps!! Is this a throwback to prep school days or what? (At least the MCC members wear the things with the peak at the front, which is a partial saving grace.)

My favourite MCC related image is this one;-

I think that the MCC should remind their members that a little thought is needed if they are to approach the sartorial standards set by these members of the YMCA;-

(Man in helmet) "Do I look like Jimmy Anderson?"

England appoint new coach

Congratulations also to England and Andrew Strauss on appointing Trevor Baylis as their new coach.

Trevor (for it is he!) Note patriotic pith helmet

There has been some criticism in the media that Trevor knows bugger all about cricket, but the inventor of the wind-up radio has no qualms. "Look here, old chum" said Trevor " I'll soon get them fast bowlers winding their little arms like good uns. The Aussies won't know what's hit them!"

On the subject of Andrew Strauss, it is obvious that the new England supremo is rapidly losing what remains of his hair. What he needs is a quick chat with Shane Warne, Michael Vaughan and Graham Gooch and an introduction to their trichologist. Goochie was in the crowd at Lord's and had a barnet like a baboon's bum - quite amazing!

Goochie in his slap-head days

The new Gooch, looking for a porn film part

On matters trichological, keen followers of the Royal scene will have noticed that Princess Charlotte was conspicuous by her absence from Lord's. Bobbledegook can exclusively report that the poor might has been shunted off to farthest Norfolk to be repaired since it seems she was born with her Uncle Harry's carrot top.

Princess Charlotte -notice how her bonce has cunningly
been covered by the Royal courtiers to hide her gingeredness

We can now reveal that Shane Warne's hair transplant surgeon was secretly landed from a submarine by the SBS and transported under cover of darkness to the Royal's Norfolk hideaway. Transplant procedures have been a great success and the Duke and Duchess are understood to be delighted with Charlotte's transformation. "She looks like a real baby now, and less like my idiot of a brother "said an obviously relieved Prince William. "It's good that we've been able to get her mended." Originally the trichologist wanted to add a moustache and goatee beard to the Princess in honour of last year's winner of the Eurovision Song Contest and to celebrate the accession of Australia to this venerable song-fest. On hearing of this the Duke of Edinburgh (proud great grandfather) is understood to have set off from Sandringham with a shotgun vowing to "blow the balls off that f******* colonial son of a criminal" . It is understood that Charlotte's top lip thus remains unsullied.